James' Shitty Wooden Bollocks

Synopsis
Thomas has to pull dicks and there's a bit of rumpy-pumpy between two workmen.

Plot
The Intro is all on pieces of paper, with WTLNetwork singing the theme song.

Every day the Fat Controller comes to the station to catch STDs, he always says "Fuck you" to Thomas, and reminds him not to be a cunt, that he can't be a really useful engine, and not to let the silly trucks rape him.

Thomas works hard pulling the dicks and sees a small coach and two strange things his driver calls vaginas. His driver tells Thomas that it's the Twat Train, and that the cranes are for lifting heavy things like engines, coaches, trucks and the Fat Controller.

One day James, pulling a goods train, rushes through the Yard much too fast, being raped by the trucks. Thomas screams, the bell rings in the signalbox, the signalman points and Thomas puffs off with the cranes, hoping that James is hurt. Meanwhile, James is told that he failed and the audience boos at him. His driver and fireman comfort him, explaining it was not his fault but it was the wooden bollocks some workmen gave him, which they had always said were shit.

Thomas pulls the unhurt trucks out of the way while two workmen have sex behind a truck, and teaches one truck a lesson by ramming it so that it explodes. Then, they put James back on the rails using the cranes, but the chains break, dropping him back onto the ground. The Fat Controller attempts to praise Thomas but his face melts. He then announces that James will have some proper bollocks and a blowjob. The ending credits are 21 seconds long and the 'Saved by the Bell' theme is being played.

Quotes
Bollocks! - James, after being dropped by the cranes.

Trivia

 * It is revealed that the Fat Controller actively hunts for STDs.

Characters

 * WTLNetwork (sang the theme song by humming)
 * Ringo Starr
 * The Fat Controller
 * Thomas
 * Trucks
 * Thomas' driver
 * James
 * James' driver
 * James' fireman
 * Workmen (cameo) (Two of these workmen were having sex)