Thomas and Friends

"You have caused Confusion and Delay!" - The Fat Controller on everything

"In Soviet Russia, Confusion and Delay causes YOU!!!" - Russian Reversal on Confusion and Delay!

Thomas and Friends is a television program created by Britannia Allcrofticus in the year 104 AD. The first episode wouldn't air for another 1,880 years due to the lack of funding and the fact that cameras hadn't been invented before then. Rather remarkably, pre-production on the series started nearly 2,000 years before the birth of Reverend W. Awdry, creator of the Railway Series which the telivision program is based on.

Series 1

 * Here Comes Thomas - We are introduced to Thomas in a rather disgusting way.
 * Edward and the Horrible Accident - Edward runs into a bit of trouble at the anvil factory.
 * Henry's Tunnel - Henry claims a tunnel for his own and turns it into a pimpin' pussy crib.
 * Gordon Pulls The Dicks - Gordon saves the day by utilising his emergency dick-pulling skills.
 * James Makes Pasta - Part 1. James attempts to cook pasta, with hilarious and saddening consequences.
 * The Kitchen Fire - Part 2. The kitchen's on fire. Can James make it out in time?
 * James' Funeral - Part 3. Nope.
 * Percy Goes To Town - Percy goes to a nightclub and ends up getting in a fight.
 * Toby and the One-Night Stand - Toby wakes up one morning with Mrs. Kyndley in the bed next to him.
 * Montague, Sir - We are introduced to Dick. Sorry, Duck. No, wait, I was right first time.
 * Donald and Douglas and Douglas and Donald and Donald and Douglas and Donald - The Fat Controller buys too many engines.
 * Oliver! Oliver! - Oliver is left to pull one single truck, but wants to pull more.
 * ...Whatever the 12th One Was Called - I dunno what it was called. Answers on a postcard, please.
 * Daisy Blows Her Fitter - It's fitter's orders!
 * The Fat Controller's Record Deal - The Fat Controller forms a band with The Butler, Mrs. Kyndley, Mrs. Stationmaster and Ringo Starr.
 * The Butler Goes On Mock The Week - With guest stars Ed Byrne, Mark Watson and a grilled cheese sandwich.
 * Thomas Invests in the Stock Market - He accidentally buys shares in 'Macrosoft' and 'Crapple'.

Series 2

 * The Three Beatles - Edward rips a hole in the space-time continuum and makes it so that it is Ringo that is shot instead of John Lennon.
 * Henry and the Factually Inaccurate Forest That Pissed Off Rev. W. Awdry - Those trees are too close to the line, I tells ya!
 * Jimmy Carr Visits Sodor - A cloak of black comedy is thrown over the Island of Sodor.
 * Toby Cleans Percy's Undercarriage - Guest starring a Brillo pad and a bottle of Fairy.
 * The Leap Year Mystery - Glenn Miller's plane crashes into the island on February 29th, with him still on board alive and well.
 * The Fat Controller Can't Remember A Thing and Hires That Diesel Again, Even Though He Was an Absolute Jerk to All the Engines, Especially Duck - See the title.
 * Thomas and the LSD - Thomas accidentally eats a piece of paper with Bart Simpson on it.
 * Excuse Me, My Dear - Part 1. The Butler prepares to propose to The Fat Controller.
 * I Want You - Part 2. The Fat Controller accepts The Butler's proposal and they have sex for the rest of the episode.
 * Tenders and Turntables - Gordon, James, and Henry become Sodor's first disc jockeys.

Series 3
The original tapes for series 3 were completely destroyed after a train smashed into the videotape archive. Only one episode exists, in poor condition and in black and white.
 * Toby Goes On Countdown - Toby wins a shitty little teapot for winning. Horray!

Lost episodes of series 3

 * Thomas & Tony Blair - Thomas meets Tony Blair. Therefore, Gordon steps up.
 * Poop Goes The Diseasel - And other random poops!
 * Bulgy - Obvious.
 * Rheneas and the Rhombus - Obvious.
 * Thomas and the Trucks - Thomas takes a load of semen from the semen factory, however, the trucks cause trouble!
 * Thomas The Chav Engine - Thomas the chav engine's life in Sodall, With Henry, Daisy, Gordon, Dave (trash can), Phat Controller.

Series 4
Series 4 saw a massive change in the production by confusing the viewers and suddenly going off to some other railway somewhere.
 * Percy and the Four Criminals
 * Thomas Tells Everyone A Story That Lasts For The Whole Series (or something like that)
 * Stepney and Son - Stepney opens a junkyard with his cranky old father.
 * Sir Door Handle Plays Cricket Somehow
 * Peter Sam's First Time - Peter Sam receives an offer he cannot refuse from the refreshment lady.
 * Those Two Engines That Look Identical - Which one's Skarloey and which one's Rheneas?
 * That A3 is a Spy
 * Percy and the Internet Troll - Percy visits a forum and comes across a spammer.
 * Thomas Edits Wikipedia For A Laugh - He changes the entire contents of the page for 'Edward' to 'Edward iz a fag lolz'.
 * The Sodor Civil War - The diesels wage war on the steam engines, with hilarious consequences.
 * Henry Hires A Ho - Henry hires Crystal the Whore Engine for half an hour.
 * Stephen Hawking Visits Sodor - Part 1.
 * Duck Steals A Voice Synthesiser From Some Guy On Sodor - Part 2.
 * Douglas and the Hornet's Nest - Douglas is stung by several hundred hornets. Whoosh sakes!
 * Britt Allcroft Goes Off The Wagon - Britt drinks one too many Bacardi Breezers and wakes up in Ringo Starr's bed.
 * Edward and the Internet Pornography - Edward discovers the wonders of Internet pornography and doesn't come out of his shed for three days.
 * Toby's Father - Toby meets his father, a steam-powered washing machine.
 * Peter The Freakin' Sweet Engine - He's got shocks and pegs. Thomas thinks that he is "lucky."

The Daisy Trilogy
Between series 4 and 5, Thomas and Friends was bought by an evil corporation known as 'HIT' (actually called 'SHIT', but they couldn't fit that on the side of the building). They released the Daisy Trilogy between the two series. There were three parts to this trilogy:
 * Daisy, Daisy - Two engines called Daisy arrive on the Island of Sodor, but which one is the real Daisy?
 * Give Me Your Answer - The Fat Controller demands that the real Daisy come forward.
 * Do - One of the two Daisys reveals that their real name is actually Do.

Series 5

 * Thomas and the Rainbow - Don't ask!!
 * Pwn3d! - Thomas gets pwn3d.
 * Toby Feels Left Out - It's love season and Toby's girlfriend just dumped him.
 * Thomas Gets a Personality Change
 * Thomas and the Swedish-Made Penis Enlarger Pump - I told you! It's not mine!
 * Thomas Meets Fred Fuchs
 * Percy and the Carnival - Percy sets up a trap for the children.
 * The Case of the Singing Bushes - Singing Bushes take over the Isle.
 * Which Gender Now? - Rusty is caught in a decision.
 * The Exorcism of Rheneas - Skarloey hires an exorcist to cure his brother.
 * Civil War - Skarloey convinces the little engines to separate from the Fat Controller's line.
 * Thomas and the Tube - Thomas sues Youtube for illegally uploading episodes from Series 1-5. (Subsequently uploaded to Youtube)
 * Three Cheers for Thomas - The case was won!
 * Thomas' Pokemon Cards - Thomas sells fake Pokemon cards but he gets arrested. Guest stars Ash Ketchum from Pokemon as the costumer.
 * The Worst Accident Ever - Everyone who appeared on the show crashes into each other and explodes.
 * Thomas the Tardis Engine - Thomas discovers Dr. Who? and attempts to travel back in time to save the series from ending, but fails to correct the future, and becomes a time lord!

Series 6

 * Politics - The leader of Green Party, along with 500 other hippies, campaigns for the railway to be electrified, as Steam Power is "uneconomical and evironmentally dangerous", shortly before he was struck on the head by a rail enthusiast with a tripod.
 * Commercial Breakdown - After the Green Party fiasco is sorted, the Fat Controller advertises the railway as a great film location, within days of the first film crew arriving, two cameramen are struck by a train.
 * Hammer - A dodgy engineering firm is offered the job of working on all of the railway's trains, only to be sacked when it's found out that they only use Super glue and a hammer.
 * Going Underground - After a trip to Glasgow, the Fat Controller realizes that he wants his own underground system, complete with narrow platforms that smell of pish.
 * Pimp My Engine - Thomas, James and Percy go for a repaint.
 * Duncan's Evil Plot - Sir Handel teams up with Duncan.
 * Diesel Does It Again - Obvious.
 * Pirate's Life For Salty - Salty unfortunately stayed too late at the nearby pub.
 * Refreshing Steam - Thomas secretly had his water tank filled with beer the night before.
 * Refreshing Steam (Part 2) - The engines steal Thomas' idea, and the Island starts falling apart!
 * Edward Strikes Out - Edward takes up baseball, but stinks.
 * Thomas and the Birthday Mail - Thomas has a special gift for a young child...
 * Thomas and Skarloey's Big Day Out - Obvious.
 * Rheneas and the Dinosaur - The feud continues when Rheneas reanimates a dinosaur to attack Thomas' line..
 * A Smooth Ride - Rusty is caught with Sir Handel - cheating on Peter Sam!!!
 * Special Funnel - Peter Sam brags about his funnel being the biggest.
 * Duncan and the Propaganda - Duncan attempts to stop the Diesels from running his line.
 * Henry Comes Out - Obvious.

Series 7

 * The Trial - a lawsuit.
 * Oliver and the Repair Yard - Oliver is sick, so he goes to a repair yard. Little does he know it's a scrapyard...
 * Oops I Crapped My Pants - Emily feeds Thomas ExLax-laced coal after she finds him cheating on her with Daisy. The rest is obvious.
 * Oliver Comes to Tea - Oliver wrecks into the Obese Controller's Reich house at teatime!!!
 * Diesel's Guide to Dating (Part 1) - Obvious.
 * Diesel's Guide to Dating (Part 2) - Equally obvious.
 * The Railway Inspector - The railway inspector comes.
 * Stepney Comes Out of the Closet - Obvious.
 * Thomas and Emily Go To Couples Therapy - After using some of the tips in "Diesel's Guide To Dating," Emily breaks up with Thomas. For the rest of the episode, look at the title.
 * Thomas and the Pub - Thomas goes to a bar.
 * Stepney Goes Back Inside the Closet - Obvious
 * Thomas Falls Off a Bridge and Dies - Obvious.
 * Just kidding, Thomas is OK - Thomas goes to the hospital.
 * If Wishes Were Trees - Somthing bad happens.
 * Rusty and the Bomber - Rusty comes across a terrorist
 * Why Thomas Laughs At Your Mistakes - Why oh why does he laugh?
 * A Visit From Hitler - The engines find out The Fat Controller is Hitler's cousin.
 * Thomas Runs Over The Fat Controller (2-part Series finale) - He tries to, but he never dies !!!

The Movie
Sometime in the late 90s Britt Allcroft thought it to be a good idea to make a movie out of this series. But as it turns out it was horrible that they pulled it out of the theater after a minute of release. The movie was called Thomas and the Magic Time Portal Thingy In The Tunnel and guest starred Nicholas Lyndhurst as London shopkeeper Gary Sparrow. Thomas discovers a time portal in a tunnel that takes him to Duckett's Passage in the 1990s, where he meats a dumbfounded shopkeeper named Gary. With the assistance of Gary and his best friend Ron, Thomas has to get back to the Island of Sodor in time to help Gordon pull the express.