Bertie The Bus

Bertie The Bus is a bus (of course). He is known to be the fastest thing on Earth, with a top speed of 234,985.24 miles per second. His appearances are known to cause seizures.

Thomas and the Unfeasibly Fast Bus
Once, Bertie met Thomas at a junction. Bertie isn't impressed with Thomas when he claims he runs a branch line, and the two immediately get into an argument about if they can fuck each other. Their drivers allow the fucking to go ahead. When the station master says "Go!" Bertie leaves at an unfeasibly fast pace, leaving thomas behind. Unfortunately Bertie is stopped at the crossing, but overtakes Thomas at a station. It's here we learn the buses have to work. As Thomas crosses the bridge, Bertie waits at the traffic lights. He waits for approximately 164.5 years, long enough for an entire futuristic city to be built and then destroyed. Once the light goes green, Bertie reaches his full speed. Thomas tries hard but Bertie is much to fast. As they whoosh into the last station, Bertie runs over several workmen.

Threesome For Bertie!
One time, Bertie had to take Thomas' passengers to Edward. The first time he tries to catch up to him, he crashes through the crossing and exclaims "Bollocks!". Bertie remarks how sexy he is at the next crossing, with the passengers telling him to cheer up. Bertie then confuses everyone with a rap about "Third time". Later, Bertie's driver kills everyone when they ask if they'll die at the next station. They then wait at the next staion, for 75 years. Bertie then tells his driver he wants full gay sex. His driver agrees. The passengers cheer, but bertie then rams into the crossing, which mishapens him. Bertie is then able to catch up to Edward, due to Edward falling off a bridge and being hated by the guard. Edward tries to apologise, but Bertie only tells him to "SHUT, UP!" Bertie is then permitted to have a threesome, which pleases him.

Trivia

 * Bertie's threesome was with The Fat Controller and The Butler.
 * Bertie was present at Mrs. Kyndley's Party.
 * Bertie's driver is wanted by the police for murder for a reward of 12500 These.
 * Bertie's Rap "Third Time" reached 446 on the UK charts in 1992.
 * Bertie is known to scream whenever he moves.