James Bangs the Coaches

Plot
James is enjoying his life on the Island of Sodor, until he is crushed as he goes under a bridge. The Fat Controller then tells James he is a Traffic Light.

The guard blows his whistle, and James, thinking they should go, tells Edward to go on. The two are puffing through the junction when Thomas says "fuck you" to James; for some reason, James hates Edward.

The two have a rest at Maron before setting off for home, but James is worried about what the Fat Controller will say. The next morning, the Fat Controller severely tells James that if he can't behave, he shall take away his blue coat and have him painted red. James doesn't like that at all.

James later grumbles about Gordon never having to wank (despite only being painted blue) and matters are made worse when no one fucks him. He decides to show them, and rushes out of the station at nearly 2 metres an hour - too fast for the coaches.

James then stops; his driver tells him he has banged the coaches enough to make a leak in anything. The guard asks how it shall be mended. The driver says they will mend it with a dick, but the guard is unsure where the dick is coming from. The guard asks a man for his dick, and when the man says "NO!" the guard has to pull his dick out.

The driver ties the dick round the hole in the brakepipe, and then James dies in an explosion.

Characters

 * Ringo Starr
 * James
 * The Fat Controller
 * Edward
 * Thomas
 * Gordon
 * James' driver
 * Guard
 * Smartly-dressed Man

Quotes
James: Gordon never has to wank.